so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
