how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
