fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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