Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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