Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
