Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i have herpe
just one?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
