How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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