All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
