Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
