i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
