dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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