Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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