I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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