I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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