The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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