I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize