I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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