apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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