Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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