you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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