Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
