their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My hand turned me down
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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