His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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