dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
