We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize