I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
