Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
