adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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