I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
