Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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