I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ladies don't puke and tell
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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