It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
