Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
