You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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