i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
