Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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