Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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