Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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