this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
