peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
