You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
