so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
