woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
