my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
