You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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