i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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