He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
