What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
