if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
