sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
