why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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