I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
