the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
