I cockslap morals
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
