Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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