Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
