when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my sisters under your porch take her home
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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