I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
