yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
