Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
