I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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