this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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