Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
