Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love you.
Bad choice
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