so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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