VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
