Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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