you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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