dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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