Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
