Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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