if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize