He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
