There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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