Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
