I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
