she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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