I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
