it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
