I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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