I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
