Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
