Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
