Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
