Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
