There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
