I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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