I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
